12 Tips to Having a Dynamite Relationship
OR 12 secrets to overlook if you want a typically average relationship
With Dr. DJ and Maud Purcell
Couples can be 20, 45 or 75, and come in all colors, shapes, sizes and income brackets. It doesn’t really matter how long they’ve been together. Whatever the demographics, when you see a happy couple, you just know it – you can feel it. What is that difficult-to-explain-thing, that mystical ingredient, that some couples have that creates jealousy in others?
How do these couples stay in love, in good times and in bad? Let me assure you, the answer isn’t “Just lucky, I guess.” Whether they knew it going in, or developed it along the way, they have learned that a dynamite relationship takes the willingness to grow, and a commitment to stick with it. With what?
I am a coach and a recovering psychotherapist. The only way I could get listed in the Yellow Pages in the Ohio town where my practice existed, was to be under “Marriage and Family Counseling” …the only category they had. It turns out I was more of a “divorce counselor” because most couples wait until they are on their last legs before they seek counseling. Once certain things are gone from a relationship it is usually a matter of trying to get people out of the relationship with as little collateral damage as possible. And you don’t want that, right?
Soooo, let’s focus on those essentially positive ingredients, providing a guiding menu of Success, Happiness and Peace in your relationship(s). Because so few couples know about all of these areas, I think of them as the relationship “secrets.”
[By the way, although this came out of looking mostly at couples, much of this could be applied in many relationships with a bit of tweaking.]
[Also, note that this is only the first of 12 Dynamite Relationship Tips. Get on our mailing list to be notified as each comes out!
Dynamite Relationship Tips
Develop a realistic view of committed relationships.
Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when the relationship was new won’t last. (Dang it!) A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include affection, will replace it. A long-term relationship of ANY sort has ups and downs, and those who expect it to be all sun and roses is unrealistic. It doesn’t have to be Guns and Roses, either, but people are different, and they might put those differences aside and focus on commonalities in the first blush of the relationship. (“Ohmigosh, you are a Libra and love chocolate, too?!?!?!?”).
Sooner or later, differences emerge, and it is how the couple handles those differences that will quickly determine how smooth a path the relationship will follow. “I cannot stand anyone who doesn’t believe in being a vegetarian!” is quite different from someone who says, “Each to his own. I am a vegetarian but it isn’t for everyone.”
The keyword is commitment.
The keyword here is commitment. A well-known comedian, Danny Thomas, spokesperson for the wonderful St. Jude’s Hospital for kids, related a conversation with his parents who were together for 60 years. “How did you make your relationship last so long?” His Lebanese Dad responded, “Your Mom and I came over from the old country. We didn’t know we had a choice!”
Well, commitment IS a choice. It is made every second you are in a relationship. It is one of the first things to go when a relationship crumbles, usually right after respect, which we will get to later. It is a huge part of the Christian marriage ceremony: ”…through sickness and health, forsaking all others…” is all about commitment.
Commitment is the glue that holds the relationship together through rocky times, mistakes that are made, emotional overboil, and boredom and/or despair. Commitment says, “You are worth sticking with through thick and thin.
Commitment – The First Essential Ingredient for a Dynamite Relationship.
*I want to thank Maud Purcell for a huge assist in the outline of this series.